As the caucuses and primaries get underway I can't help but to think about how much more entertaining the election process would be if it were run by Vince McMahon of the WWE.
After the hotly contested results of the Iowa Pay-Per-Vote came in McMahon would go on the air to announce that he was suspending all other nominating contests and turning the election into a last person standing Battle Royal. The November Pay-Per-Vote would be billed as the epic battle of Clinton vs. Cruz vs. Sanders vs. Trump, but of course he'd have obstacles for them to overcome before getting there.
Clinton would have to go toe to toe with 16-time World Heavyweight Champion Ric Flair at the hotmail sponsored Teach a Senior to Email Event. Hotmail would be desperately trying to regain name recognition as the Nature Boy woos all that show up. Special moves that are presented would be work place email vs personal email and of course the importance of using letters, symbols, and special characters when creating an email password.
Cruz would head to the Supreme Ring Challenge as the Big Show and the Nine Justices take on Calgary Cruz in a battle to decide what is natural. Special referee Tom Jones decides whether or not It's Unusual.
Sanders would square off against Matt Hardy for ownership of the independent market and the TNA Heavyweight title. Sanders would somehow avoid all of the major WWE PPV's as he steers clear of the Super PAC Brothers, much to the chagrin of McMahon.
Trump would dust off his wig and head into the ring. John Cena would run out to raucous applause as the crowd would cheer for Cena to deliver an Attitude Adjustment on Trump, but in a surprise move Cena would turn heel and team up with Trump to form a tag team. Together the two would deliver the Five Moves of Doom on opponent after opponent.
By the time November rolled around every single television advertisement would be replaced by a political ad. Gone would be the days of Terry Crews and Isaiah Mustafa arguing over which Old Spice scent to use. In there place would be attack ads that lacked the comedic charm and well timed jokes of the Old Spice Men.
To throw in a late twist Jesse the Body would finally combine with Jesse the Mind as he climbs back into the ring for one last go around, Minnesotans could not be more proud to have their former governor in the craziest presidential race in history. Not to be outdone Ralph Nader would finally give the people what they want and wear a green suit on television as he bellows his political ideals. For a short time John Kerry and Al Gore would take over the internet until their plans would finally be disrupted by the Texan Bushes when they tried to recount their steps in Florida.
Alright, I'll admit that got a little weird at the end. Okay, the whole thing was weird, but as a non-partisan I had to have a little fun with all this political talk. That being said, if we are going with this Battle Royal idea then my money is on Kurt Angle #4. Gold star to you if you read all this.
